backdated to 12-28 | text | locked to friends and castmates

[givesherflower]

I've been very busy with work... and some other things. I don't want anything for my birthday or Christmas. I really don't.

...I'm sorry I haven't been keeping up with many of you.

((If anyone on board the Ptolemaios wants an rl, go for it!))

Comments

[timey_wimey]

Glad to hear it.

How is everyone, anyway? I do try to keep in touch but it's more difficult than you'd think with me swanning off over several universes and you lot doing... [ he waves his hand vaguely ] well, whatever important thing it is you're all doing now.

[givesherflower]

Everyone's fine here. It's just... that time of the year. We can't help but remember everything as if it just happened recently. Even with our missions against A-LAWS.

[timey_wimey]

[ he nods. the end of the year is a difficult time for a lot of them, for many reasons. and you never really forget the people you've lost. ]

It'll get better with time, I promise. I'm not saying there won't always be a part of it that hurts, but it gets easier.

[ it's not easy all the time, of course. but having people to fall back on helps. ]

[givesherflower]

[She absentmindedly touches some of the hair that falls on one side of her face. A silent tribute to her comrade and the closest thing she had to a best friend and an older sister. The Doctor's words seemed to ring true in her heart. As much as it did hurt to remember them all, it didn't hurt as much as the year before or any year before that. Certainly not as much as the fresh and raw pain that came with the very day she wouldn't see or hear from any of them again. And as much as she wanted the pain to go away forever, she was pretty sure that would mean forgetting all about them, and that was not something she could allow herself to do.

Her reply comes as a silent nod as she crosses her arms over her chest so her hands can grip the opposite arm. Her feet drift closer until she was nearly leaning against his arm. Newly nineteen and still silently asking for hugs. Who needs words anyway? Fuck that noise. Literally.]

[timey_wimey]

[ he wraps an arm around her, just as quietly pulling her against him. Feldt is strong; he's know this for a long time. but for all her strength and her brilliance, she's still only human, and he knows that she hurts for the friends she's lost.

besides. he's over 900 years old and he still needs a hug sometimes. there isn't any shame in a nineteen year old asking for one, silently or otherwise. ]

[givesherflower]

[In the span of a few seconds, her arm winds around him. Funny how while she feels better, she just feels like crying some more. The safety that family-- bound by blood or not-- provides, slowly overriding her desire to not cry more. Such conflicting emotions. Happiness with what she's gained, sadness for what she'd lost.... All of it getting jumbled in a heap. Gosh emotions are tricky.

She kept telling herself to focus on the then and now, but it was hard when her thoughts kept straying to the past.

--Oh hey, they're a few yards outside the mess hall now.]

[timey_wimey]

[ he gives her a little nudge, motioning his head towards the mess hall door. ]

I think we got here.

[givesherflower]

--Hm? Oh, yes. Right.

[She pulls away slowly, reluctantly, and opens the door for him.]

After you.

[timey_wimey]

Why thank you, ma'am.

[ he gives her a little mock-bow before gliding through. ]

[givesherflower]

[She walks in after him and heads off to get some food for them both. So sit your butt down Doctor and let her be a good host.]

[timey_wimey]

[ he takes a seat almost carelessly, settling his hands on the table in front of him. ... and maybe twiddling his thumbs a little. he never was the most patient of people. ]

[givesherflower]

[And that's just fine by her! She's used to his behavior patterns by this point. After a few minutes, she returns with two trays loaded with freeze-dried, nutritionally-balanced food blocks, cutlery, and a drink each. Enjoy~]

[timey_wimey]

[ awwww yis space food. fiddling a bit with trying to get a piece of food block on his fork, he says conversationally: ]

So, when did I make it to "Papa"?

[ whoops shoulda realised he wouldn't have let that one go. ]

[givesherflower]

[You had to bring it up as she was chewing on some of her vegetable block, didn't you? Her eyes widened in surprise, and no answer came until she swallowed down what was in her mouth.]

I-I called you that? I didn't realize... oh how embarrassing.... [She buries her slowly-reddening face in her hands for a few seconds. When Feldt resurfaces, the color on her cheeks clashes with her hair.]

I guess... oh, I don't know. You've been there for me for the last four years, even back when I had only known you for a few months. Ian and Dr. Moreno helped raise me when I was little, Linda too. Before I knew it you were there for me a lot. Giving me advice, making sure I was okay, even after I left without a word, being so understanding... after a while, it felt like you were another father figure in my life. Sometimes... I wondered if that's why it hurt so much after you left in your new ship for the first time.

[timey_wimey]

[ he chuckles a little at her embarrassment, chewing his own food block. actually, he doesn't think it's embarrassing. surprising, yes, endearing definitely. touching? oh yeah, it's most certainly that as well. and he's much better equipped to deal with the honour than he was four, five years ago, too.

even if he's not sure he deserves it.

he listens to her, and nods. smiles strangely, eyes crinkling at the corners. ]

Well, whatever the reason, I'm honoured. Flabbergasted, yeah, but honoured. [ pause. when he next speaks, it's with warmth, but bashful all the same. ] I'd be proud if you were my daughter.

[givesherflower]

[She flushes a little brighter, but not out of embarrassment. More out of being pleased and so honored at his words. The man she looked up to and had managed to impress her so greatly with his brilliance, kindness, and eccentricity would be proud if she were his daughter? She looks down at her tray, smiling as happy tears prick at the corners of her eyes. Her eyes close for a moment before she looks up. An idea has been born behind her glassy aqua eyes.]

Maybe... I could be?

[timey_wimey]

What?

[ surprise and shock makes you so eloquent, Doctor. ]

[givesherflower]

[Oh no she didn't mean to shock him... TIME TO BACKPEDAL. because you know that totally gets you places.]

N-never mind...! It's a silly idea. Just... forget I mentioned it....

[timey_wimey]

Oh come on, why would it be silly? I mean, you know, other than the fact that I'm a lunatic who doesn't even have a box anymore and I'm never around and I can't even get my dates right half the time and that it's been so long since I actually did the parenting thing full-time as opposed to just playing with it while ruining people's lives along the way...

[ all of that was said at 200mph. he's in full on nervous babbling mode now, Feldt, you might want to shut him up. ]

[givesherflower]

Shh.

[It kinda says something when she at least understood half of what he was saying. But she eventually goes into serious mode and breaches his personal space to put two fingers over his mouth to shut him up.]

You don't ruin peoples' lives. And even if you're not always here, it's fine. I guess I thought it would be silly because for a long time, I never had anyone to call "Papa". Anyone alive, I mean. I still love my papa in heaven, and Dr. Moreno and Ian were the closest I had growing up, but it wasn't the same, I guess.... But since I met you, you've been there for me like they all have been. [minus a couple times that she's not going to bring up...] And... technically, you could adopt me... i-if you wanted to.

[timey_wimey]

[ sputtering to a halt, and... blink. blink.

when he regains his voice again, the first thing he says, in a tone of great incredulity, is: ]

Did you-- Feldt Grace, did you just shush me?

[givesherflower]

[Guess it's going to be a blinking party because she's actually a bit surprised she did it herself.]

...Yes. I believe I did.

[timey_wimey]

[ grumble grumble ] Over 900 years and I've never been shushed.

[ he appears to be taking it very personally. but after a moment, he shakes it off, and it becomes clear his pouty face was at least 95% a joke. ]

Honestly, though? You're really serious? I mean... you'd actually want that?

[givesherflower]

[OH GOOD he was joking. That means it's good to continue joking a little.]

Then maybe it's about time someone did. [She doesn't bother repressing a little giggle before going back to serious territory. And yet, she keeps a smile on her face. A smile of hope that reaches her eyes.] But yes, I do mean it. I honestly really do. I wouldn't have said so if I didn't mean it.

[timey_wimey]

... Right.

[ the impossible has happened. the Doctor is speechless.

someone better pop their head out the door and check the multiverse is still okay out there. ]